When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity! (Martha Shields)

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

Dreams come true, without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them. (John Updike)

A pet store had a bird contest with no perches necessary.

If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be called research. - Einstein

Dream but always with your eyes wide open.

for fellow geeks: A perfectly spherical pumpkin makes good pi.

Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. (James Dean)

A pediatrician is a doctor with little patients.

Wrinkles: Something other people have. You have character lines.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

A nut named Hazel held up a bank saying 'give me all the cashew have'.

Will: A dead giveaway.

Do you know the three times that most people are in church?
When they are hatched, matched and dispatched.

A music store was robbed. The thief made away with the lute.

Vocabularian: A person who makes up new words.

Do what you love and love what you're doing, and you'll never work another day in your life.

A murderer had heartburn because of something the assassinate.