A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Subdued: Like, a guy, like, who works on one of those, like, submarines, man.

Don't wait for your ship to come in. Row out to meet it.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

Don't think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm. (Malayan proverb)

A dentist and manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Secret: Something you tell to one person at a time.

Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size six.

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Don't stand in a place of danger trusting in miracles. (Arabic Proverb)

Safecracker: A cracker without caviar on it. (thanks to Catherine Debo)

Don't spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you have now was once among the things you only hoped for. (The Vatican Sayings, Epicurus)

Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.

Don't speak of secret matters in a field that is full of little hills. (Hebrew proverb)

Relief: What trees do in the spring.

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find.The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Don't seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise: seek what they sought. (Basho)

Rectitude: The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Louis Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo DaVinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.